Halloween, Belgian-Style

When we left Germany back in 1992, not a soul in Europe seemed to have a clue just what Halloween was all about. Boy, has that changed! Now, you see typical American-style Halloween decorations in many stores all over Europe, complete with fake cobwebs, witches, and creatures that appear to be a genetic cross between a ghoul and a Smurf. There are pumpkins for sale everywhere, but very few understand the concept of carving a scary face into them (come to think of it, I don't get the historical root of that one myself...). As for the most important part - trick or treating - most of the European kids I've met haven't yet gotten the word about this American once-a-year goldmine for sweets. But at least a few in Flanders seem to be aware: a recent newspaper article even told them what to say when they knock at the door, and it's great: the translation would be "Your treats, or your life!" And this is friendly Belgium, not some former East Bloc nation. American kids just threaten to trick you; here, it's the death penalty if you try to pawn off some crappy 2-pound-bag-o-candy-for-a-buck sweets. I guess I'm secretly hoping the doorbell doesn't ring tonight...

Extremely Relaxed Dining

"Fast food" here in Belgium means ordering, eating, and paying, all in just under 3 hours. That's hardly an exaggeration. We think that Belgians consider this a sign of high-class culture, spending what seems like the better part of a week just trying to consume a single meal. Case in point: we recently visited a nice Chinese restaurant here in Waterloo. Being early diners, we were literally the first folks in the establishment right after they opened at 6:30. By the time we had ordered we were still the only non-Chinese in sight. Drinks came about 25 minutes later and the appetizer about 30 minutes after that. When the main course arrived (perhaps carried by a sloth, slug or snail), we had already spent two hours in this Gho-Slo Palace. At long last, when we were able to drag the waiter over for us to pay him, it was almost time to break out the Corn Flakes and OJ. Or so it seemed. The bottom line: if you want fast food, look for a Belgian McDonalds - I hear that you can get a Big Mac there in just under 2 hours. But if you prefer a sit-down meal, prepare to remain seated. For a very, very long time.

We're Here for the Beer

When in Prague, do as the Pragians (that may not be correct, but "Praguettes" sounds too feminine, or like something you'd eat at lunch...). So, we drank beer. Germany may be more famous and Belgium may have far more variety, but this is the country where real pilsner beer was invented, only about 170 years ago. They have several world-class beers, including Pilsner Urquell and the original Budweiser, known here as Budvar. Prague also has a surprising number of brewpubs, turning out their own excellent lagers, including a fine blueberry beer and a too-odd-sounding-to-try "thistle beer," which will have to wait for another visit. And the price for a half-liter of this liquid gold, even in a touristy area of the largest city in the Czech Republic? About $2. What's not to love??

Prague...tically Perfect!

At long last we finally made it to Prague and it instantly moves onto our Top 10 Europe Sights list! The weather was a bit brisk, but other than that the 3-day visit was a marvel from start to finish. The city itself is gorgeous, loaded with history and fantastic street scenes. The food is great and the beer is, of course, world-class (we ate lunch in the restaurant where the very first glass of Pilsner Urquell beer was ever poured, back in 1843). Prices were extremely reasonable and we found getting around via tram and subway to be very easy, even without benefit of speaking a word of Czech. The people were friendly, polite, and helpful and they certainly have plenty to be proud of in Prague. I found myself humming the most famous part of Smetana's "The Moldau" whenever the river came into view - typical sign of a guaranteed tourist, I guess. We both give Prague two very big thumbs up - Czech it out!

Climb This Pine and Whine!

Is there a botanist in the house? Lucie and I have been unable to identify this neighborhood tree, probably the most intimidating flora/fauna we have ever seen. It looks like some sort of pine but I sure can't imagine anyone attempting to chop one of these bad boys down and mount it in the living room as the family Christmas tree! Suffice it to say that no fire department has ever been called out to rescue a cat stuck in this tree. I don't think a bird would even attempt to set up house at the top of this Palace o' Cactus.
As a kid I used to love climbing the pine, bay, and redwood trees on our property in central California. I never met a tree that I didn't want to at least consider climbing. Until now.
If you can identify this killer, please let us know!

Dog Doo ... and Don't!

Continuing on my theme of bodily functions (see the next post below), now I move to dogs. For those ready to complain about my seeming preoccupation with the scatalogical scene, I say gimme a break: nearly every other post has pretty, postcard-quality pictures from all over Europe. But now I offer a view or two of European life that you don't see in photo albums. A trip to the Darker Side, if you will.
Awhile ago I wrote about politeness being something of a rarity in this part of Europe. This applies to taking care of one's pet's "by-products" as well. In America it is rare to see someone walking Fido without a plastic shopping bag for canine kaka. Here in Waterloo you see this as often as no-pay toilets (see the following post). People let their dogs do their doo anywhere they like, without a single thought to picking up after the animal.
But, as my photos demonstrate, not every resident takes the presence of poo "in stride." While the little statue of the dog is direct and to the point, the words are more thorough, advising one and all (in two languages, no less) that the sidewalk is not a shitwalk (as Lucie will tell you, it sounds cuter and rhymes better in French).
Not wanting to sound immodest, but this is the kind of European cultural note you simply won't find in your Fodor's or Michelin guides. You're welcome!

The Cost of Doing Your Business...

One of the things most Americans find difficult to adjust to in Europe is having to pay for your…uh, well, your private business, inside a bathroom. With the pleasant exception of airports, nearly everywhere else in Europe (even many restaurants in tourist areas) you have to be prepared to pay to pee, to put it bluntly. Actually, you pay one price for whatever you choose to do behind closed doors. Except that, for men, they really aren’t closed doors. It is not at all unusual to have a female attendant busy scrubbing a sink or the floor while you are standing at the urinal attending to matters of state. Fortunately (I’m not sure that is actually the best word), these Toilet Ladies are invariably old and unattractive. Then again, this is rarely a place men go to find beautiful ladies to pick up.
The average price in Belgium is 50 Euro cents, or about 75 U.S. cents. There is no discount for a “quick trip” to the men’s room, nor anything like a “frequent flier program” after several beers, but then again there is also no penalty for what we might term an extended stay, thanks to spicy Thai cuisine the night before. The record price I’ve ever seen is almost $1.50 – just to pee! This was noted in the Cologne train station. Granted, the bathroom was immaculate and the attendants actually wore starched white uniforms (this was Germany, after all), but I would gladly have accepted a hag in dirty blue jeans if we could have cut the pee-price in half, say. I picture a gang of American college frat guys hitting the town and eating and drinking literally everything within sight, simply to make sure they “got their money’s worth” at the station toilet.
There are rumors that Ryan Air, the most famous European discount airline may actually start charging 5 Euros for a single potty visit – that’s nearly $7.50, folks! What we pay for an in-flight meal, Europeans will now have to pay for… oh, forget it, it’s too gross even for me. Another Ryan Rumor is that they are adding more seats on each aircraft by cutting the number of bathrooms down to one. How’d you like to be Lucky Pierre on the 3-hour flight across the continent, sharing a plane with Mister Occupado, who decides to really get his money’s worth by hogging the one and only toilet for the better part of the flight? Once again I find my sick mind pondering how those U.S. frat guys are going to handle this situation and save a few bucks…